Five Years Ago…
I had just graduated high school and I. Was. Lonely.
I had dabbled in the dating game a little bit as a teenager, but I never found anything super serious or magical
like a disney movie.
In high school, almost all of my friends were in serious, long term relationships. And let me tell you- it was difficult to watch.
I WAS A PRO AT THIRD WHEELING. (can I get an amen?)
I remember praying, and on especially lonely nights- crying, for God to answer my prayer and give me someone to love. It sounds silly, but at 18, I was starting to think that God didn’t have anyone in mind for me.
I’m an over thinker, OKAY. Now that I am on the other side, I am going to share some advice that I wish someone had given me back then.
1. Work on Yourself
This sounds super cheesy and I know you’ve heard it before, but listen…
Before I met my husband, I had spent less than one year of my life in other relationships. That left me 17 years to figure out who I am and what I’m about.
While other girls spent their free time with their boyfriends, I was reading books. I was growing my faith. I was organizing my priorities. I was watching what worked and didn’t work in my friends’ relationships.
I was PREPARING myself to be ready for something serious.
Was I 100% ready when my husband came along? HA! Absolutely not. I still had a lot of growing to do- but I believe I was a lot more mature and prepared for a long term relationship than I would have been if I was carrying a lot of baggage from silly one night stands or toxic juvenile relationships.
God has put you in this season for a reason. Figure it out. Seek Him and open your heart to other possibilities in this season. If it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t mean it never will- it just means NOT YET.
I remember crying one night towards the end of my senior year because I was crushing on a guy that wasn’t communicating his intentions toward me. I thought God has abandoned me and didn’t want me to be happy.
BOY WAS I WRONG. God saved me from that relationship because my future husband was just a couple weeks away from jumping right into my life!!
2. God’s Plan For You
Like I mentioned above, I thought I knew better than my loving Father. I thought I knew what or who would make me happy.
God promises that HE LOVES US.
If God placed the desire for marriage in you heart, would he purposefully leave it unfulfilled just because? NO! He’s either got something in store that will be WAY more fulfilling for you than a marriage, OR your husband may not be ready for you yet (or vice versa).
Trust in the One who promises to never leave you or forsake you. Keep praying. Keep believing.
He sees you.
His promises are true.
3. It’s Not About Who is First, It’s About What Will Last
Like I mentioned above, I remember being so upset that all my friends were in long term relationships in high school. I was upset when another year went by and I hadn’t met “the one”.
I love planning ahead and I love being prepared. I felt like I was going to be at a disadvantage in life because these things weren’t happening for me yet. I even rushed into things sometimes because I wanted to catch up!
Looking back now- that was all so silly! I may not have been the FIRST one of my friends to go on a date, have their first kiss, or have their first boyfriend… but in the end, I found something that lasts. All of those silly things don’t matter! God has blessed me with a man who is so much bigger than stupid teenage drama, and in hindsight, I’m so happy I wasn’t first!
4. Wife Material
While you are in a season of waiting- start preparing yourself for marriage. Just because you haven’t found Mr. Right yet doesn’t mean you can’t be on top of your game!
Before I met my husband, I spent a lot of time reading over Proverbs 31. Learning about what a wife of noble character looks like. I learned how to cook. I learned about ways to pray for a man and build him up.
I wasn’t bar hopping and sleeping around! I wasn’t meeting up with guys from dating apps or showing up to frat parties with a buzzzzzz…
You’ve heard the quote “Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.”
Same logic applies here. If the guy of your dreams shows up and is at a point in his life where he’s ready to look for a wife, and you’re hobbling around a bar- he’s going to look right past you.
Be the kind of woman that your dream guy would marry. Start practicing that WAY before you start dating.
5. Looking in the Wrong Places
I remember being so dumbfounded that so many women in college wanted to go to all these parties and get super drunk and hook up with random guys just to complain about it the next day. These same girls would tell me they wanted “something serious”!
If you want to find a guy that is “husband material” stop looking in all the wrong places!
He won’t be there!
Go to a church group. Volunteer at a shelter. Go on a missions trip. Join a running club!
Think about what you would like your future husband to be interested in and get involved in those things!