***Life Update***

That’s right! You’re looking at an ultrasound picture that shows our little baby.

I want to start off this post by saying that I know for some people, trying to conceive is a struggle and that there are many women who want to be in my shoes right now and just can’t. It makes me so sad to think of these women and know that I am praying for you in this difficult time. Trust in God’s timing and know that everything works out in the end!

Now that I have told family and friends, I am able to share this information with you! I recently uploaded a post talking about how I feel uninspired to blog for some reason. I only uploaded a few posts in October and while I still feel this sense of “blah”, I do have some topics to blog about now!

Today I am going to share our trying to conceive story as well as some updates about how I’ve been feeling.

*So rewind back to July*

In July, my husband and I were downtown on a little date. I vividly remember crossing the road and my husband saying some words that would change everything!

“This will throw you for a loop. What if we started trying for a kid?”

I’m pretty sure I laughed at him and let the words roll right off. I love kids and basically told my husband once we got married that I’m ready whenever he thinks we are. Back then, he assured me that it wouldn’t happen for a few years…so I stopped thinking about it.

“I’m serious!” he told me again (to which I laughed again). I was 100% sure he was messing with me.

“We’re never going to feel absolutely ready. Why put it off just because we’re scared?” He added.

We spent the rest of the evening talking about it and discussing the details of why or why not it would be a good time. We decided that I would get off my birth control and wait a few months for everything to kick back into gear before we discussed it again. (An OBGYN once told me that it might take up to 6 months for my body to get back in sync.

Well…a few weeks later, my body was ready to go…but we weren’t quite sure if we were. We tossed the idea back and forth for another month or so before my husband suggested we just try the next month and see what happens.

Two weeks later, I was up late on a Thursday night STARVING (literally ate a whole can of soup and a big bowl of ice-cream and felt like I hadn’t eaten all day). I had also had a few other symptoms that are a little TMI, so I will spare you. I knew it was a little early for anything, but I told myself that I would take a test in the morning.

The first test was SO FAINT. I thought it might be a mistake. With shaky hands I held it up to the light and called my friend Nancy (at 5.a.m. yikes). *note, my husband was across the state dealing with hurricane damage because he’s a state trooper. He had been there a week and wasn’t sure when he would be coming home. Talk about stressful!!*

My friend told me she would stop by after work and be there when I took a second test. The second test was a lot darker! Later I found out that my first test came back positive at exactly 3 weeks pregnant, which is SUPER early to find out!

We decided to go to the store and get some things for a birthday party we were going to that night as well as to look for something to tell my husband whenever he came home. At the store, I got a call from my husband telling me that he was finally able to come home that night and would meet us at the party!

A few hours later, my friend and I were at the party and my husband showed up. The whole night, I had to act like nothing was different and it was so difficult! I kept looking at my husband and seeing him in a new way….”He’s going to be a father and he doesn’t even know it yet!” “How is he going to take this? Will he be freaked out or mad that it happened the first try?” I rode home with him that night and couldn’t help myself from acting a little weird. He kept asking me what was wrong, and I just lied.

Once we got home, I pointed to a burlap bag on the coffee table with a shaky hand. I told him that I had something for him. He picked it up and barely pulled out the baby onesie before dropping the bag and staring at me with a dumbfounded expression.

“We’re having a baby?” he asked with a shaky voice. Suddenly, he burst into tears and gave me a huge hug. I’m glad I didn’t record this reaction because we were a crying, snotting, happy mess. He immediately wanted to tell EVERYONE and I had to explain to him that we had to wait. We compromised and agreed that it would be okay to drive over to his best friend’s apartment and tell him ( it was 10p.m. and his poor friend must have thought something was wrong when we called).

The next few weeks, I took a lot more tests (because I’m a worrier) and eventually told our families.

We were at a my parents’ house celebrating my mom’s 50th birthday when I broke the news to my side of the family. My brother video taped the whole thing! Below you can watch my family’s reaction.

In the weeks since this video was taken, I’ve had a couple doctor appointments and at the beginning of November, I finally got to see my baby! He or she looks like a gummy bear right now, is the size of a strawberry, and has a heart beat of 176!

I have typical pregnancy symptoms that you hear about: some nausea, super sore breasts, exhaustion, food aversions, EXTREME HUNGER and thirst, and a few emotional moments. I broke down in tears a few days ago because my husband randomly asked me if I wanted a McDonalds ice cream cone (which I absolutely did want).

I also dealt with some anxiety in the week leading up to my first ultrasound. I had received confirmation from the doctor that I was pregnant and knew that I felt different, but I couldn’t shake the thought that it was all in my head. There couldn’t really be a baby growing inside me, right? That worry vanished as soon as the ultrasound tech turned on the machine and my baby was right there on the screen in front of me, with a little flickering heart!

My husband is both excited and nervous, as any first time dad would be. He’s already purchased a couple fatherhood books and it makes my heart glow to see him reading them! =)

Baby Fagan is due in June of 2019, and we are so excited to meet this little blessing from above! Please be praying for a healthy pregnancy and for God to prepare our hearts and minds for parenthood!