Hey beautiful people!
The votes have been counted and this Countdown to Baby series seems to be the most requested. I wanted to thank everyone again for letting me know which topic you were most interested in! This information really helps me understand what topics to write about and share! I think I am going to alternate this series with the “My Love Story” series because that topic was the second most popular and I want to keep things interesting here! I plan on tackling all the topics listed in my previous post at some point this year, so make sure you remember to stop by!
Thoughts on Pregnancy (after 20ish weeks)
*Disclaimer* I am only about halfway done with this pregnancy, so this information and my opinions are only good for the first and second trimesters!
When I was a little girl, I always daydreamed about having kids of my own. (Don’t most of us?) My favorite toy to play with as a small child was a little toy doll I named “Dolly”
so original, I know and I carried her around with me everywhere. When I was around 9, I got a Happy Family Barbie doll set with a mom, dad, and a baby. This set also came with a pregnant magnetic belly for Barbie (Feminists all over the world are probably losing their minds 😂). Apparently these go for $200 now on eBay!
Anyway, I loved to play with these Barbie dolls and pregnancy seemed so easy in my juvenile, prepubescent mind! It literally was just snapping on and off a magnetic belly!
As I got older… church, boys, college, and other hobbies took over my main interests, and I began thinking about pregnancy and motherhood less and less. The most I thought about it was “Man, I can’t believe my mom was pregnant at 22!” because I felt so young and clueless after graduating college and getting married at the same age!
My husband and I knew we wanted to wait a little while before bringing a new life into this world and so even during our first year of marriage, pregnancy wasn’t really on my mind at all.
It wasn’t until year two of marriage began that we felt a real desire to grow our family. I’ve already talked about our TTC story in another post, so I will skip that and you can read it later!
Fastfoward to January 2019, and I am in my 19th week of pregnancy. Whereas before my thoughts rarely landed on the topic of pregnancy, my current, most frequent thoughts are: “Oh wow. I’m actually pregnant. That’s crazy!
I’m so hungry. How did this happen? Lol When did life start moving so fast?”
I could ramble about how weird it is all day long, so let me condense my thoughts on pregnancy into 5 points.
1. You’re never really “used” to it.
For some reason I thought pregnancy would be punctuated with an I know, look, and feel like I am pregnant. At all times. This couldn’t be further from the truth. I didn’t look “pregnant” until about a week or so ago. Even now, I seem to be able to conceal this bump with an oversized t-shirt. It isn’t obvious to strangers yet. I felt weird shopping in the maternity section a few weeks ago because I was afraid strangers would think I was lost in the wrong section!
That’s probably just an introvert problem.
Up until a couple weeks ago when the baby started kicking, I would forget that I am pregnant. I would be going about the day and all of a sudden think, “Oh yeah, there’s supposed to be a baby inside me or something…”
The first 8 weeks felt like a big, giant lie or trick until I saw the physical baby on the ultrasound machine. Now THAT was weird. Definitely a freaky, out of body feeling!
But my body didn’t feel like it was carrying a baby for a huge portion of this pregnancy! Now at the halfway point, I’m just starting to feel baby move and kick and am reassured that I’m not actually losing my mind and that there really is something in there!
Obviously I expect things to change now that the baby is getting big enough for me to feel. I’m sure I won’t be able to think about anything BESIDES the fact that I am carrying a small human as my due date approaches! I guess what I’m trying to say is that, while I do have days where pregnancy symptoms are overwhelming and annoying, I’ve had more “normal” days than I thought I would up to this point.
2. Pregnancy symptoms are just weird and blah
So even though I’ve felt pretty normal, relatively speaking… pregnancy symptoms sure are something…
The first trimester had bouts of typical pregnancy symptoms that you hear about. I had days where I didn’t want to eat anything because my stomach felt sour. I had a week where I thought I might miscarry because I would wake up with excruciating and debilitating cramps and would have to spend 30 minutes rocking back and forth on the bedroom floor just to handle the pain. I had a few weeks where my nose was hypersensitive to smells and I could smell my dog peeing about 20 yards away. The smells of chicken and garlic made me nauseous, too. I had about two months where I just wanted to lay on the couch and call it quits on the whole day because I was so exhausted. For a few weeks I had to wake up every night at 2 a.m. for a snack because I was so hungry. I also had a month where I was super emotional about food and cried like a freaking baby when I wanted something really bad. I didn’t gain any weight the first 16 weeks, which is crazy because I ate so much food, especially after week 12!
The second trimester has been a lot better. My emotions have been more manageable. My appetite is back. I can eat chicken again! My energy levels rise and fall, so I just try to get a lot done whenever I have a burst of energy. I started feeling baby kicking and moving at week 16. Every day the kicks get stronger and more frequent. Some symptoms I’m currently experiencing are heartburn, hot flashes, shortness of breath and occasional dizziness. I have to remind myself to take it easy and to not push myself as hard as I did before pregnancy!
3. Connecting with baby
Okay, now things are going to get serious! Before pregnancy, I thought I would have an immediate connection with this baby. I thought I would cry when I saw two pink lines on the test, when I heard the heartbeat for the first time, etc. When I got two faint lines on the first pregnancy test I took, I felt a strange empty feeling. Almost like it wasn’t true. Like it couldn’t actually be happening to me. I felt guilty at how unemotional I was.
Looking back, it was a combination of two things: shock…(because I didn’t think it would happen on the first try) and disbelief (because this is Me we are talking about! I would have to be the pregnant one!)
The first time I heard the heartbeat, I felt a sense of relief instead of an immediate bond. I was just glad that the baby was alive and okay. I also felt guilty about that feeling, too. I’ve reflected back on that day and realized that I was connecting with my baby, just in a different way that I thought I would. I was concerned about its health more than I was about hearing a sound. And that’s okay!
When we found out we were having a girl, I feel like my ability to bond with the baby grew a lot! Now I could give her a name and imagine what she will look like and daydream about seeing my husband care for her.
As the days pass and this baby kicks me more and more, I feel like I’m getting to a place where I feel more connected with her. I love when she kicks when I’m talking or after I’ve eaten something. It feels like we have our own secret language going! I am growing very eager to see our 20 week ultrasound. I hope after seeing her and actually seeing the shape of a baby instead of a gummy bear/ tadpole thing, my connection and bond with baby girl will improve because she will seem even more real to me!
4. The timeline
Pregnancy is so weird because it seems to take forever while also passing by way too fast. I feel like week to week drags on, but then I realize that I am halfway done and I am shocked! Also, I remember when the baby was the size of a poppy seed and looking at week 16 and thinking that baby being the size of an avacado was just crazy big. Week 16 came and went and baby still didn’t feel that big. Now baby is just about the size of a banana, and it still seems small. Getting excited when baby went from being the size of a poppy seed to a peppercorn just cracks me up now!
5. Trusting God
I’ve found myself leaning on God a lot during this pregnancy. When the test came up positive, I found myself praying that it would be a viable pregnancy. While waiting for the first ultrasound, I prayed that baby would be in there and that it would have a heartbeat. During the nausea and exhaustion, I prayed. My current battle is tying to get through my grocery shopping/church/ work without feeling dizzy, so I pray for that. I’m also praying for a healthy baby to show up on this next ultrasound. I’m praying for finances, my mental health, and my husband. This pregnancy has shown me that my body can do incredible things, but that our flesh is so weak. We truly need to rely on God every day…not just when our body is undergoing extra stress. But even on our good days. God is our comfort and our strength and we are so lost without Him. I am humbled now that this journey to motherhood is underway. I realize how unqualified I am to care for and love this gift of God, and that I need to let Him guide me every step of the way!
So there we go! Those are my thoughts on pregnancy! It’s a fun and crazy time. But I am getting so excited to meet and love this sweet baby girl! My heart sings when my husband asks to read my belly a Disney princess story, when baby kicks me throughout the day, and when I think of how our lives will change when this miracle enters this world!
Tune in later this week for a post on how my husband and I started dating! I was thinking earlier this week how thankful I am that I have people who are interested in reading my blog and comment on it. So thank you for staying with me and supporting this little of writing adventure of mine!