The day we all dream about from the time we are little girls…our wedding day.
If you are anything like me, you have Pinterest boards full of beautiful bouquets, lace covered wedding dresses, and cute mason jar center pieces. You’ll think about your wedding day just about as often as you think about who your groom will be and what type of man you will marry. You will daydream about that moment when all eyes are on you as you and your prince charming sway across the dance floor to your favorite love song.
Am I saying that any of these thoughts are bad? Not necessarily!
However, now that I am approaching two years since my big day, I do think that my opinion on weddings has changed.
You see, too many brides go crazy planning for their big day (myself included). Once we get that ring on our finger, we immediately start calling venues, flower shops, and spending wayyyy too much time designing the invitations. Stress levels rise and we begin to feel like we are going to pull our hair out if the day does not go exactly as planned.
If I could speak some wisdom into the lives of soon to be brides, I would say the following three things:
1. Your Wedding Is Not Actually About You
Now, let me clarify.
Your wedding should be designed according to your vision. I am not saying that you need to take in other’s advice, because at the end of the day- the pictures will be hanging on YOUR wall. Here is what I am saying…
Your wedding day is not FOR YOU.
It is about making both families feel important.
It is about gaining sisters and brothers and not just having a large, nice looking bridal party during the ceremony.
It is about letting your groom embarrass himself on the dance floor with his friends.
It is about greeting every guest and thanking them for taking the time out of their schedules to attend your wedding and buy you gifts.
Once the day is over- you will realize that the decision to chose blue instead of green for the table cloths didn’t really matter.
The flavor of the cake went unnoticed.
Your bouquet went under appreciated.
Hmmm…Even your dress lost its luster by the time the reception ends.
You know why? Because your wedding day isn’t about these things.
Once all the flowers are thrown away, the food is eaten, and the dress is stored away, all that is left are the words you exchanged in front of those closest with you. The promises you made. The rings you wear. And guess what? That’s the REAL hard part. You thought planning a wedding was difficult? Honey- wait until you have to live up to the promises you made.
Those are the things that matter. Please don’t get so caught up in all the frivolous details that you overlook the whole reason this is happening.
2. You’re Not Planning a Wedding. You’re Planning a Marriage
I spent about six months planning my wedding day, but three years planning my marriage. Before we were engaged, I put a lot of effort into my relationship because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him! Once the wedding planning began, it was very easy to feel like I could relax on the work I was putting into my relationship so that I could spend that energy focusing on our wedding day. I remember one day Tyler approached me and told me that he felt like I was neglecting him since we got engaged.
Talk about a wake up call!
I had become so excited about wedding details, that I forgot the importance of investing in my future husband! What was it all for if this man that I was about to pledge my life to felt left out?
After that, I made an effort to scale down my time spent wedding planning and more time growing my relationship with Tyler.We completed pre-marital counseling. We spent more time traveling and being goofy together.
Once my wedding day arrived, my focus had changed from what it was on the day of my engagement. I wasn’t thinking about the details. I was thinking about how excited I was to call my best friend my HUSBAND!
Looking back, I wish I had dedicated even more time communicating and loving my fiancé than I did. It would have alleviated some arguments and frustrations that came up during that first year!
So in the months leading up to your big day, make sure that you are investing WAY MORE time into your relationship than you are in the wedding planning. Again, the wedding is one day. The marriage is forever!
3. It Is Just Another Day
This point may be hard for you to digest. But I cannot emphasize the importance of it enough…
Say it with me: It is just another day.
Go ahead and get it in your mind that it won’t be the day of your dreams. Will it be fun? YES! Will things go wrong? YES!
I had very detailed schedules for everyone involved in the wedding and thought that I had fool-proofed this wedding day. While I probably kept some things from going wrong, I couldn’t stop all mistakes from happening.
The rental company forgot to bring the plates. THE PLATES.
My wedding planner was over an hour late. AN HOUR.
Our family Bible that we were supposed to sign during the ceremony was forgotten and had to be carried down the aisle during the ceremony by the DJ. THE DJ.
My veil fell out of my hair during the first look and ruined some of the pictures that captured the moment. GO AHEAD AND LAUGH.
If I hadn’t relaxed and just toned down the intensity and importance I placed on this day, I could have cried about it forever. Luckily, I was able to recognize that this is just another day. I happen to be joining lives with the man of my dreams, but still…it was just another day. And this day was not immune from things not going my way.
So if you are getting married soon, try to look at your wedding day as just another day, and not as the epitome of romance and the highlight of your life. It’ll be a day to remember, yes…but it is still just another day!